Got My Fizz Back

I'm alive again. So today I want to talk about my new interest in Japanese anime and manga. My little firebird is going to be annoyed at me because it is so NOT cool for your parents to dig what you're into. However, having screened several anime now, I am not bothered. Parents in anime/manga tend to be either supersweet or superweird. Since I fall into the latter category, I'm fairly certain she is going to treat my 'supervising/interested' behaviour as japanese-standard normal. Ha.

So what do I think of anime/manga? There's this ongoing series I've been watching. The lead character fights in a bathrobe. His weapon of choice is as large as he is. When things get heavy, he changes into a black dressing gown, with a blood-red lining. At this point you might wonder if he's a fag. Instead most of the girls, whether they are human or spirits, fancy him like crazy. To top it off, literally, he has bright orange hair. Yes, in Japan, you can. Welcome to the world of Burichi aka Bleach. One of the most popular anime of all time.

Here's a picture:



He wears a mask when things get REALLY exciting. Here's a link for
people who want to know more: htttp://bleach.wikia.com/wiki/Ichigo_Kurosaki

So what do I think of exposure to influences like these? Well, in the first place, she has been watching / reading these things for two years now. It's a bit futile to stop her now. Also, I think it is a good alternative to the ruthless Disneyfication of children's media choices from the US. I also think some of the manga/anime is a bit more intelligent than a few cartoons I won't mention. Yes, there's quite a bit of porn-y bits. This is a different culture, remember, and their sense of normal may not sit well with some people. Discussing that will be for another day though. For now => Jaa ne*!

*laters = japanese :)

God answers prayers

God answers prayers. Over the past ten days, He's been healing me. I still miss Chloe a lot, and I miss her chirping away when I get home. However, I understand it's my way of living I want to change, not where I live. It's my attitude to life I need to reconsider. Since Chloe went home, I have been watching so much anime, I called it drugs. Maybe I overdid it a little. Anyway, God sent me an angel. No, seriously, a real one. Isn't He nice?

Self Entombment is a Lie

Seigneur,
Que ce cierge que je fais bruler devant toi sois lumineux
Pour que tu m'eclaires dans mes difficultes et decisions qui me font peur
Pour que tu brules en moi tout egoisme, et tout impurete, qu'il soit flamme
Pour que tu rechauffes mon coeur, et m'apprenne a aimer.

I have been a whirlwind of worry, because I have been rehearsing for my death while I am still alive. How stupid is that, well that was my self defence mechanism kicking in. I just realised this doesn't work. It frightens me to realise that people still feel at 40, 50, 70, 80. That is, outward dessication belies the fact their hearts still ache and desires still burn. So my fortressed heart may yet be besieged by future pain, and my journey in this world may well not yet be ended when my little firebird is ready to fly out of her nest. So my Lord sent me someone to illuminate the way, and present this prayer from across the ocean.

I have changed it a bit because the handwriting was so squiggly but the sense of it is there, I think: A prayer to the Lord, to teach me how to love, and so come back to life again.

A Whirlwind of Worry

There is a conflict between what I feel I should be doing and and I really want to do. Paralysis is the result. This has been the state of play for the past week, especially since Chloe went home. Now that I am not studying and my little baby, who is my life anchor, is not here, I am vulnerable to all kinds of conflicting worries. I need a job, no, I want to write, back and forth, like those anime monsters I'm watching now on Chrome Shelled Regios. I must refocus.